I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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