Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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