The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
