Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
