I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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