About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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