i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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