i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i will never coherently bang her
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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