clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
