I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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