So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
