You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize