how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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