I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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