Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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