his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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