if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize