How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
