she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
and she was petting her beer can
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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