my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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