we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
