Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Success! We fucked roommates!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
