we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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