just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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