As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
