return my video game
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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