my mouth tastes like poor choices
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just had sex on a roof
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
