if you like me you must not know who I am
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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