Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
