these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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