It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
