I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
BRING THE BAGELS
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
