i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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