Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
