It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
