pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
