1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
