so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
