my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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