this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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