Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
