So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
