its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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