I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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