I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
