We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
