Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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