he shaved USA in his pubs
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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