I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I need a burrito and a hug.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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