Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
my liver is dry heaving
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
