Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
