quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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