Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
