id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
