don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
