I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize