I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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