My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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