Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
