STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
