How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
