There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
