It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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