yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
