i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think people are normalizing furries
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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