i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
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I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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