My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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