I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This is the high leading the old right now
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
whose ass print is on the piano?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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